One Step Until The Edge
by EnvelopesandCypressTrees
Summary: Roy Harper has always been a straight shooter. But not when it comes to his best friend Dick. Dick has always made him feel just a little "not straight" Roy always saw Dick as "more than a friend" what he doesn't know is Dick feels the same. The only thing keeping them apart is each other. Will they find out in time or will death break apart their secret, forbidden love forever?
1. Close enough

**Another story of Roy and Richard. For some reason I love them together! This is the forbidden love of Archer and Ninja.**

**Read and Review Please.**

**Action to come!**

* * *

Dick's POV

I woke in a cold sweat again, blankets bunched around my ankles. Nightmare. The kind where you sit up so fast your neck hurts, the kind where you can't remember what it was about and yet can't go back to sleep? I say again, because this same mysterious nightmare woke me up night after night after night. Always the same, never remembered.

I swung my legs out of bed, my PJ pants sticking to my sweaty legs. The drops rolling down my chest.

My thighs tingled suspiciously and I rubbed at them, sitting heavily in an arm chair by the window, it bothered me not to remember. _What was it that kept plaguing my dreams…what? _

* * *

Roy's POV

Dick met me for breakfast, I was sitting at a table for two on the outside patio of a French themed diner.

I couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his eyes as Richard came to view. One hand was shoved deep into the caverns of his pocket, the other was twirling a pair of car keys around his finger. He caught them and sat across from me.

I took a sip of my coffee, my eyes amused and looked at him. He looked exhausted. His eyes took in his surroundings. That was one thing about Richard, his eyes were always moving, always looking, always observing and searching for an unseen threat.

He relaxed and pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and plunked it on the table. My eyes locked onto it…was that?

He opened it, a bright blue diamond sparkled back. I put my coffee down and looked at him, my eyes switching from the ring to Richard's face.

"Dick…are you proposing to me? You know I don't roll like that" Dick rolled his eyes and stuffed the ring away back into his pocket

"It's for Star…" my eyes widened slightly as the realization hit me, he played with the table cloth "I'm going to ask her to marry me, Roy" he looked down, nervously. And I sat back, in disbelief. For some reason a part of me ached.

"Dickie…this is _huge_" Dick just nodded "how long have you been together?"

"A year, tomorrow" I ran a hand over my face and leaned forward cupping my coffee,

"Are you sure?" he wasn't I could tell, but then again nobody ever really was. He looked at me.

"I think so."

* * *

Dick's POV

I was staring at Roy as he took the news in, I was hoping perhaps he'd grab my hand and refuse to let go. And tell me what a horrible mistake I was making. I didn't love Starfire like I told myself I did.

Here was the bombshell. The person I really loved…was sitting right across from me. Close enough I could touch his face, close enough where maybe…he could touch mine.

Roy didn't "roll like that" _oh Roy, if you only knew_. So when he asked me if I was sure, I wasn't, but I said I was anyways.

* * *

Roy's POV

My best friend was going to propose to the love of his life. And Starfire would say yes, this was Richard Grayson we were talking about, how could she say no?

All he had to do was look at you, and you wanted to give him the world.

For a moment I pretended like he said, "Roy, would _you_ marry me?" and then the moment passed as he said

"I think so." I forced a fake smile.

"We've got to tell the others…little Dickie's all grown up!" _and how he'd grown_. I had to face the fact I was going to lose my best friend. I was going to have to start moving on.

* * *

Dick's POV

We caught a transporter to Mount Justice. We had changed to our hero get ups, the ring boring a hole in my thigh pocket. When we materialized an automated voice loudly announced our arrival.

**NIGHTWING B ZERO 4**

**RED ARROW B ZERO 5**

A training session was going on, a few threw quick smiles and waves were thrown our way, I waved back, Roy –keeping up his tough guy act- crossed his arms. His biceps straining against his uniform. I ripped my eyes away before he noticed.

"Guys! GUYS!" Red Arrow bellowed, Artemis shot us an icy glare as we interrupted her teachings, it was her turn to cross her arms. The other members of the team looked on in confusion.

"What is it, Arrow?" I smiled at her apologetically and her glare softened.

"Wings has an announcement" I swallowed heavily, for a moment I fantasized. I imagined stepping forward and kissing Roy in front of everyone announcing our engagement and then Roy seeping me off my feet while the others cheered in encouragement…

"Well?" Artemis's voice snapped me free of my fantasy. I noticed the original team had gathered, coming from all over the mountain to hear my _announcement. _

"I-I'm going to propose to Starfire" once the words were out I regretted them, for a reason I wouldn't share. I swore I felt Roy tense, but I busied myself fumbling for the ring. I pulled it out and opened it. My fingers trembling.

I heard a whoop of excitement and Wally embraced me, we stumbled a bit. He lifted me and spun me around in a tight circle. He let me down and slapped my shoulder harshly.

"Dude, _hell yeah!" _I took that as 'dude, congratulations' I smiled, I couldn't help it. I heard some more excited sounds and got embraced by my other team members. Wally shouted "bachelor party!" and I was too busy laughing, I didn't hear Roy leave.

But I noticed when I looked for him that he wasn't there. I laughed with my friends anyways but a part of my heart was dead.

* * *

Roy's POV

I was proud of the kid, he was tying the knot. Not the knot I wished for, but that dream was impossible.

But a dream none the less.

I wasn't gay. I couldn't be. And yet something about Richard made me say "Fuck it all" and want to be his. I knew he didn't feel the same.

The kid would be getting married, _soon_. I've never felt more conflicted and jealous in my life.

* * *

Dick's POV

Today was the day. It feels like I've said that before.

Was 22 too young to be getting married? No, I suppose not if you really love the person.

Did I really love Starfire? _Real love?_ Something told me I didn't. Not like I loved Roy. I'm so confused.

I hear a knock on my door and I straighten my tie, smooth my hair. I walk to the door and open it.

"Hey babe" I smiled, Starfire. I opened the door a bit wider and beckon her in, he long orange hair is pulled into a pony tail, and a low rise form fitting, purple dress flows around her thighs. It's dangerously short, showing off long tan legs. Her breasts nearly pop from the 'V'

I can't help but stare. How could I like Roy when I had this beauty in my life? She placed a hand on my chest

"Let's not go to dinner, babe. Let's stay _right_ here" seduction dripped from her plush lips, I blinked.

"I've got reservations" she rolled her eyes and bit back a giggle

"Typical guy" she knew otherwise but we both chuckled.

Sometime later we were sitting at a table for two, much like the one Roy and I had sat at yesterday. I'm thinking of Roy again. She one heel slipped off and was balancing her bare foot on my knee under the table. She toasted me silently smiling over the brink of her wine glass.

I watched the blood red drops disappear in her lips.

I took out the box and held in between my knees.

"Star…listen. We've been a couple for a long time now…" she removed her foot and leaned forward on the table, her boobs dangerous against her dress. My eyes flickered down and then out of respect to the wall.

"I know, Dick" I looked at her again, careful with my eyes "Babe, I love you…but…" the ring seemed to double in weight. I swallowed hard

"But?"

"But…" she continued, tracing the brim of her glass with her forefinger. "We aren't children anymore, Dick…we can't keep playing this romantic boy meets girl thing" I blinked and looked at the box between my thighs.

"What do you suppose we do then?" She sighed and leaned back, letting her hair down, it pooled in curls around her waist.

"You have your team, I have mine."

"What do you mean?..." she took my hand and stared at it as if every answer was written there

"What I mean is…we can't keep pretending Dick. We _just can't."_ her eyes met mine "You're so sweet it's pathetic" she laughed, I found myself unable to "you can out away the ring, Dick. I won't marry you" I nearly dropped the box, my eyes round with unhide-able hurt. I took her hand tighter,

"Starfire…why?" when her eye's met mine, something else was there, a defiance, a seriousness.

"Because…I _don't _love you" part of me felt relieved. And I stood, shoving the ring deep into my pocket.

"I don't know why I'm still here then" she didn't ask me to stay, or not to go away mad. She simply watched me go. Technically she hadn't told me to go, she hadn't told me to stay, I had been the one to leave first. And so I did. I went.

I went to Roy's.

* * *

Roy's POV

"I can't believe Starfire and I are over"

"Dude, just forget her already…she's obviously only committed to the sex" Dick coughed lightly and changed channels, I looked at him

"You never had sex with her?" Richard smiled sheepishly, his blue eyes dancing in the light from the TV.

"No Roy, not every relationship has to be about sex"

"Well that's why you lost her then!…she was a whore-"

"Roy, common man. She was a nice girl!" he took a silent drink, I waited for him to continue "after she said she didn't love me. _I'm the one_ who broke it off, not her" that surprised me, the way the kid had talked about her through the last few months, I thought they were going to tie the knot. Walk the aisle for sure.

"Do I dare ask why?"

"I don't know"

"Maybe you're the whore"

He reached over and poured himself a shot, lightly punching my arm in humor.

We grew silent watching the TV as a male underwear commercial came on, Hanes. The camera scrolled over a man's body, his muscles dim in the lighting. It was as if they were selling the man, not the underwear. I heard Dick sigh,

"Dude, I'd kill to have a body like that" I nearly chocked,_ was he serious?_

"_Dude, he'd kill_ to have a body like _yours_" I hid a blush. _That was gay._ I poured myself another shot to cover up my awkward slipup. I downed half of it,

"I meant without the scars" I paused and looked at him, his blue eyes where fastened at the flickering screen._ This is the perfect opportunity to ask him to show you, Roy. _I downed the rest of my drink instead.

"Yeah well…" I had nothing else to say so I grabbed a beer from the Styrofoam cooler by the couch. And popped it open with a harsh sound. His eyes were fastened on the man on the screen. The scarless man. He sighed and I smirked.

* * *

Dick's POV

"I didn't know you swung like that" Roy took a swig of his beer and watched me gawk at the body on the television. The bottle pausing in his fingers, it rested in his bottom lip, there was silence between us. Roy looked over at me as I was clutching a shot glass in my palm "wait you swing like that?"

I looked at the ground and then at the archer. My blue eyes sparkling in fear. It was Roy who I'd wanted more than Star, after all. It was Roy that made me somewhat relieved when Starfire had not agreed to marry me. It was Roy…

It was always Roy.

"Maybe…I mean no. Yes? I don't know" the end of my sentence dropped off into defeat. Roy stared at me and then leaned forward and plunked the bottle on the coffee table soundly.

"Richard" not even Dick. Roy scrubbed his palms over his face, my head bobbed to my chest as I stared at the shot glass. "Dick, it's ok…I mean_ that's _ok…it just ok, ok?" It felt like a mile separated us now on the small couch, Roy clasped his hands and hung them between his knees.

My words quivered, what did I expect? I had just dropped a bombshell on him, did I expect him to reach over and touch me _a disgusting fag_? To reach over and kiss me and admit had waited for me?

"I-I just don't know, Roy…maybe it'd be better if you just left…give me time to think."

"Yeah…ok…Maybe you'll see straight in the morning" he hadn't realized his play on words. _Stay, Roy. _We both got up and went separate ways. _Damn it, Roy. Can't you see it's __**you**__ that I love?_

* * *

Roy's POV

I got back to my apartment in Star City. In a way it was a lot like Richard's.

Richard.

Richard was gay. Richard was _gay_. My Richard. I mean not _my_ Richard. My best friend. Part of me filled with dread, part of me welled with excitement.

Richard wasn't gay. He was bisexual. Big difference. But it still gave me a chance. Wait…_what?_

I stopped pacing dead in my tracks. Did I just think…?

I sat heavily and a buried my head in my hands. _Damn it, Dick_. I wasn't going to hide it from myself, I've looked at Dick like that before. I'd been seeing Dick in my mind as 'more than a friend' for years. I'd always justified it as 'more than a friend…brothers' but I wasn't fooling myself.

Dick was gorgeous, toned muscles, jet black hair, dazzling blue eyes and a crooked smile to light up the world.

I was nothing compared to him.

Simply put, I never had a chance and I accepted it. I was his best friend:

Who played video games close together on the couch, drank together until we passed out or watched animated Japanese porn on his laptop all the while laughing hysterically at noises. Guy stuff. Best friend stuff.

I had always waited for him to take it to the next step and maybe once just take my hand and admit I was his forever.

But now, knowing this fantasy with Dick was a possibility, I was no longer satisfied with just being his best friend.

Dick had no feelings for me, how could it be me? When everybody else in the world was waiting in a line to call this beautiful boy theirs. How could it be me? It couldn't. I felt a knot tie in my stomach.

I just had to let him go. Or we'd both get hurt. I couldn't see him hurt. I had to make him hate me.

* * *

Dick's POV

A nightmare woke me again, and again I couldn't remember it. It seemed so real in the dream and when I awoke…nothing. Another sleepless night, how long would this continue?

I walked into Mount Justice the next morning, a few scattered members were talking amongst themselves in small groups. The teleporter whirred blue around me for a moment a loud voice shouting my name into the depths of the mountain.

**NIGHTWING B ZERO 11**

I waved to a few heroes and made my way to the kitchen. I was wearing a blue sweater, jeans and a pair of aviator sunglasses, I hadn't bothered to comb my hair.

I sniffed. Burning cookies.

Thin brown smoke was wafting down the hall, I fanned it away with my hand. I looked around for Roy, I always looked for Roy first. He wasn't here. After our talk last night, I wasn't surprised.

The first thing I saw when I entered the kitchen was the -billowing with smoke- oven, thick smoke was seeking through the cracks around the door and filling the room. No one was in sight. I leapt over the counter as an orange flame peeked from the smoke and wrenched it open, accidently taking a deep, _deep_ breath as I saw the flames consuming the tray. I immediately regretted it as my head spun and I heaved harsh coughs. I beat at the smoke with my hands, trying to clear it. The flames were growing at an alarming rate.

I reached in and grabbed the tray. Blinding pain seared through my hand and I pulled back. No time to grab a towel I reached in again, gritting my teeth as I grabbed the white hot metal and flung it in the sink, the flames followed it.

I turned on the faucet and thrust my hand under the cold water. The flames were snuffed and the only reminder of the crisis was thick smoke and my horribly burned hand. The skin was bubbling and hanging red and bloody melted free from my fingers. I clutched it and cradled it to my chest. Where the hell was Megan? These were her cookies after all.

What a way to start the day.

Knowing that I had probably just prevented a devastating fire calmed me a bit, my teeth clenched. I looked at my hand, it was worse than I thought, I'd have to get this wrapped.

I pulled open the fridge and grabbed a stick of butter, holding it with my horrifyingly melted fist. I wrapped a towel around it, and made my way to the medical ward.

I paused by the door as excited voices tickled my eardrums. I hear Megan and my hand throbbed again silently cursing the green skinned girl. I peeked around the corner. The original team, minus Roy, were huddled around a medical bed, Wally was laying there, getting his leg stitched up.

No one sounded too worried, they all knew Wally could heal quickly, this wound would be a scar tomorrow. And yet seeing your best friend on a medical bed a gash in his leg was enough to cause a slight trickle of worry, so I hid my hand behind my back –letting the butter melt down my fingers- and entered the room.

"Hey, Wally. What happened?" Their heads swung towards me, I must have startled them. I walked up to the bed maneuvering my hand out of view. Wally winced as Artemis tied off the stiches.

"Captain Cold shot an icicle at me" I made a snorting noise, it was unattractive, I went to cross my arms but remembered my hand and didn't.

"And you didn't dodge it?" he threw his hands up in defense

"Hey, I can take a break from being perfect, can't I?" I looked around, Artemis was sitting on the bed wrapping Wally's wound, Conner was by Aqualad both had their arms crossed, Zatanna was sitting on the edge of the bed as well, she smiled at me softly, I smiled back.

Rocket and Megan were busy trying to find a crutch for the crippled speedster. This would be the perfect opportunity to tell them. They're all here, Grayson. _Tell them you're Bisexual. Tell them..._

"Oh my God!" I jumped and looked at Artemis who was staring at me "I totally forgot! Did Starfire say yes?" a small seed of dread grew in my stomach and I shook my head at the ground, my hair slapping my cheeks like needles. There was a sad silence.

"Why not?" my eyes locked onto the soft voice of Zatanna, I shrugged

"It just didn't work out"

"Are you two still a couple" I shook my head again,

"Her loss" I sent a small grateful smile at Conner, who had a hidden rage deep in his eyes. I envied those who didn't have to wear sunglasses like me to hide myself away.

Roy hides himself away, his emotions were behind lock and key, no matter how much I searched for them, he always kept them just out of reach. The others were talking, there soft mummers floating through my thoughts,

"Wings…?" Rockets voice snapped me out of my daze. I hadn't realized I was cringing at my hand "What's wrong?" I tried not to look guilty. Rocket's voice made the others turn to face me. I swallowed, my fingers screamed.

"N-nothing…" Wally swung his legs over the bed, his eyes locked on my hidden hand.

"Why are you hiding your hand?" my eyes flew to my friend, and I looked around guilty once again. I started for the door, and I felt someone grab the towel, I screamed jerking away teary eyed. I held the towel wrapped hand under my chin and stared at Wally who had gotten up and grabbed for my secret. The others were standing too, my scream rattling them, their eyes wide.

"It's 'ust a 'lil burn" I said, my words slurring, I felt Wally gently take my hand in his and lead me to the medical bed. I sat and unwrapped it. There was a hushed silence as they took it in, then someone gagged. The skin was turning black as it dyed away.

"Holy hell, Wings" Zatanna said sitting by me and examining my hand, my eyes wandered to Megan who looked appalled, worry contorting her features. Everyone took a consecutive steep nearer. If I wasn't in so much pain, I would have laughed. "What _happened?_" I blinked and tore my eyes from the green girl's face.

"I burned myself"

"We can see that, my friend" My eyes flitted past Aqualad.

"There was a fire in the kitchen" A tick, then Megan gasped loudly her hand flying to her face,

"My cookies! I forgot them when Wally came in! I'm so sorry Nightwing" I managed a smile. And hissed painfully in a swoosh I had turned to face Connor who was gently rubbing ointment on my melted fingers. He looked at me apologetically and continued, the butter was removed and the hand was wrapped in bulky, white bandages. I looked around sheepishly.

"I could have done it myself…but thanks" Artemis put her hands on her hips, Wally's arm around her shoulders,

"You don't have to do _everything_ by yourself, Wings…when are going to realize that?" I stared at my bandage. _Tell them. Tell them you're bisexual. Tell them about Roy. How you love him._

"Yeah, well…" I pushed myself out of the bed and made for the door "Maybe I like to be on my own" it would have been the perfect moment to walk out, cryptic…like a movie. But Wally sped in front of me, blocking my path. I crossed my arms. Really, Wally? Going to ruin my movie like that?

"Dude, we are going to stage an intervention on your ass unless you open up to us" there was a flashback it was brief, painful, blinding white. I saw a man with no face reaching down to someone laying on the ground. I could only assume it was me. He ran his finger down my face. Whispering something in my ear, _"open up for me, little bird" _caressing my inner thigh. Blood was everywhere.

When I snapped out of it, Wally was holding my arm. "…dude?..."

"I-I've…just got to go" I pushed past, ignoring their hushed whispers behind me. _What the hell was that? Was that part of my nightmare._

I really wanted Roy. Even if it was just as a friend. I just wanted to talk. And there was no one I trusted more.

* * *

Roy's POV

I hadn't expected to hear from Dick so soon, when my phone buzzed and the caller I.D. came up I went to press the green answer button immediately. It may seem desperate. So I waited until the fourth ring, counting each ring slowly, agonizingly. I picked up,

"Hey" there was silence from my friend for a moment and then I was afraid he may hang up

"Hey, Roy" there was an awkward silence I felt tempted to hang up, I went to my kitchen and rummaged for food "you there?" he asked

"Yeah" I found some left overs and sniffed them "was there something you wanted?" I almost heard him thinking "are you feeling better this morning?" Richard wasn't sick, being bisexual wasn't a disease, Harper.

"Yes?" he was usually a good liar, not now. I slammed the fridge and popped the Styrofoam container in the microwave. Punching the buttons with loud beeps.

They say microwaving food in carry out boxes can cause cancer. Fuck cancer. They say everything causes cancer nowadays.

"Well good" it wasn't good, but I had to let him go right? For both of our sakes "I wouldn't want my best friend to be…gay" my heart clenched, had to make him hate me.

"You wouldn't accept me?" my food was done, I pulled it out and blew on it, I had cooked it too long.

"I don't know, Dick…maybe." That wasn't good enough "no, I guess I wouldn't" I wanted to cry, I would accept him. I would embrace him and tell him I had waited for him. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

"Roy"

"Why did you call?" I sounded annoyed, my food no longer looked appealing._ Don't hang up, Dick_

"I just wanted to talk"

"I'm busy" his voice was soft, I knew I was upsetting him. Good. I needed to. I didn't want to hurt him, but I'd rather him be mad at me now than him get hurt later on. After all it wasn't like he liked me that way, so why did I care? Maybe it was because _I_ liked _him_.

"I understand" the click had told me he had hung up, I stood there listening to the dial tone, staring at my food.

"God damn it!" I spun and threw the phone at the wall, the cheap plastic device shattered to bits on the floor. I rested my elbows on the counter, my hair in my fists.

_It was worth it. But it didn't feel worth it._

* * *

Dick's POV

I am a disgusting, worthless _homo, a faggot, a queer._ I was bisexual, I liked _both girls_ and _guys._ Right now I only had eyes for one. A boy named Roy Harper. That made a gay.

He hated me for it. He didn't even know it was him and he hated me for it.

If he knew it was him would it make him accept me, or hate me more? I should never had told him, didn't he realize how hard it was for me to tell him?

I curled up on my couch, Roy's half drank beer still sitting on the table. My eyes were misty. This was an emotional crisis. I couldn't believe a stupid, pig-headed, stubborn…_beautiful_ boy could hurt me so.

I wasn't going to change who I was, or _what_ I was for him. And yet every fiber of my body longed to.

My hand throbbed and I rubbed the bandage. I eyed his beer and then got up and threw it out.

I knew if I closed my eyes I'd only see the nightmare again.

But it had to be better than the nightmare of being rejected by the one you love.

* * *

**Spoilers: they may or may not be together**

**More spoilers: there is action to come, and twists and turns that you do not expect!**

**Read and Review!**

**Yours Truly,**

**EACT**

**Stay unique, my friends.**


	2. maybe close enough

**Sorry in advance for grammar or spelling. I suck like that. Bear with me.**

* * *

Roy's POV

I heard a soft knock on my door, I slipped on a jacket over my bare chest and answered the gentle raps. It was so fucking hot, sweat was dripping down my temples. I peered out of the peep hole to see Dick standing there looking uncomfortable. It'd been a week since we'd spoken. I unlocked the chain and let him in, my heart fluttering in excitement to see him. I hid it away.

He came in gratefully and walked to the table, sat and took off his jacket, he sat in his wife-beater, his muscles glistening in sweat. He seemed to glow. I didn't bother taking my jacket off, I didn't want to compare my body to his, I didn't want to be embarrassed. I noticed his wrapped hand.

"What happened?" my voice was gruff, he hid it under the table.

"Burned it on Megan's inferno cookies from hell" he started to laugh but stopped when I didn't join in. He smiled at me softly and took the beer I offered him, he unscrewed the top. "Really, screw caps? That's not very manly" Richard joked taking a swig, I opened mine and sat across from him,

"Coming from the bisexual?" he chuckled lifelessly and rolled the bottle in his fingers. Staring at the discarded cap. I watched him. God he was stunning. "So you wanted to talk?" his blue eyes jumped to mine

"Yeah…I really wish I hadn't told you…about you know…my sexuality" that made two of us, and yet I wished he'd say he was gay and gay for me. I grunted and took a drink.

Dick, can't you see. I'm trying to prepare you for what you'll meet when you come out. I love you. And yet I know you don't love me, you love me as a friend. I'm the best one to prepare you.

"Yeah, Dick. It was a bombshell…what did you want to talk about?" he sighed.

"I've been having nightmares" my ears perked in concern, "when I wake I can't remember them, but now I seem to be getting flashbacks in the day" I watched him take a slow drink, downing half the bottle.

"And?"

"I think they're memories…suppressed memories...that I'm beginning to remember now." I waited for him to continue "I got shoved off a building and got hurt, I was bleeding." He stared at the bottle "this guy comes along and finds me and then is brushing back my hair and telling me everything's going to be ok."

"Nice guy" I shift in my chair and watch him think, he shudders

"No…he wasn't. He started touching me and telling me to 'open up' and 'stay quiet' and…"

"Then?"

"And then…and then I think he raped me, Roy" he was dragging me down into a world I wasn't ready for. Rage overwhelmed me towards the guy who had violated my best friend. Was that why Richard was gay? He had liked it?

"So that's why you're gay all of a sudden, because you think of some faggot raped you and you can't bring yourself to admit that you may have enjoyed it?!"

Richard burst into tears, covering his face with his hands. Guilt overcame me and I wanted to comfort him, but for some reason I stood there like an idiot and let my best friend suffer. My mind went white as I processed what I just said. Richard was the victim, not the predator. Dick's bottle fell over spilling onto the table.

"I-I didn't l-like it R-Roy" he stuttered past a veil of tears "I s-screamed and I-I tried to get a-away. To f-find you R-Roy, I screamed for y-you, to save me" he hiccupped painfully his shoulders heaving with sobs. "H-how could you think t-that?" we didn't make eye contact.

"Shut up, Dick. Just shut up and get out" I had to think.

"R-Roy" how dare me make me the guilty one? How dare he make me weak? How dare I not save him?

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" He looked scared, of me. Of his best friend. He gathered his jacket and left. He left sobbing. He had screamed for me? I would save him? I would have, but I hadn't heard him scream. Richard seemed to be screaming a lot lately. Screaming to deaf ears.

Why was I doing this?

* * *

Dick's POV

Could I do nothing right? Now Roy thought I was a pervert, that I had liked getting raped. If I had even gotten raped. It could just all be a nightmare right? Damn it, Roy. Why were you doing this?

I was still crying when I got home. I latched the door shut behind me and threw my jacket at the couch. It bounced off the cushion and fell to the floor.

I was waiting around for a boy I could never get. Tonight opened my eyes. I was just going to stop trying. Dish back what he was dishing me.

I was going to trick my mind into hating him so that maybe then I could trick my heart into stop loving him.

* * *

Roy's POV

I had bought a new phone, my thumb hovered over Dick's name. I should call and apologize. Everything was just so confusing.

I loved a boy I could never have.

That made me mad, perhaps that's where all this anger was coming from. My jealously, my desire.

I clicked his name and listened to it dial. He wasn't going to pick up. I knew it before I called.

I was right.

I was tempted to throw my phone again but I didn't instead I grabbed his spilled bottle and smashed it on the table. Maybe if I just told him that he was the one. No. Then he would think I was taking advantage of his sudden out coming in sexuality.

To make it a joke.

My love for him wasn't a joke. We just weren't ready. I just wasn't ready. He'd be at the mountain tomorrow. I knew he would, it was his safe haven. I would apologize tomorrow. Maybe even tell him how I feel.

* * *

Dick's POV

The nightmare kept me awake again. I stared at the celling until my screams subsided and my sweat dried. I turned the alarm clock.

5:12 AM

Time to get up anyways. I checked my phone, Roy had called, for a moment my heart swelled with joy and then I shoved it away.

I was going to hate Roy. So that I didn't have to love him.

I took a shower and got dressed heading for my motorcycle parked outside.

I reeled as another flashback hit me, this time the man was kissing my neck tracing his tongue down my Adam's apple. I was whimpering. Trying to get away, blood sticking to my skin.

I snapped out of it heaving, harsh breaths wreaking havoc on my chest. I was used to these visions now…I went for my bike and slipped on the helmet. It roared to life when I kicked it.

These day-mares were almost as vivid as the nightmares, only I could remember these, where the dreams flitted away when I awoke the day-mares burned holes in my memory.

My bike vibrated under me as I twisted with the turns of the road. The edge of the city came quickly, stopping in a sheer like someone had cut it off with giant scissors. Then just barren land. No trees, no plants, no wildlife. Just black sand and a road brave enough to split it in two.

I drove for a while, until the trees started again, shortly after that the familiar shadow of Mount Justice. What a corny name. If I hadn't been so conflicted I would have laughed.

The ground seemed to crack open as it dipped into a ramp, taking me into the bowels of the mountain. The voice announced me

**NIGHTWING B ZERO 26**

I parked and dismounted slipping on my shades. I smoothed my hair and took the stairs up to the main level. It was daylight now. At least 7 in the morning. Dawn had been replaced by a clear morning sky and a round sun.

What did Roy think? That I was going to go all glitter and rainbows? I was still me. Still Dick, his best friend.

The mountain was empty. When I entered the kitchen, the wall around the stove still lingered black. My hand pulsed. And I couldn't help but glare. I hear a soft snore and freeze in my tracks as I see a hand flung over the back of the couch. I peaked over the back and the mystery person came to view. It was Roy. Of course.

Laying messily, sprawled on the couch. One hand flung over his face, soft snores shook his body. I backed up. I wanted to find a blanket and cover him up, but that would be gay.

It'd be another reason for him to hate me.

I backed up further, I hadn't realized the snores had stopped. I turned to stalk out when his voice, groggy with sleep, froze me mid step.

"Stay" I found myself obedient like a dog, he pushed himself up and looked at me over the back of the couch. His eyes droopy and tired, his ginger hair messy and colic-ed. I turned to face him. "Take off the damn sunglasses, Dick" I did and held them in my fist. He sighed and pushed himself up walking over to me, I tensed. "I waited for you"

"Why?" my words heavy with dread.

"I think we should talk" you think? I crossed my arms and looked at my feet. He walked over to the counter and grabbed two coffee mugs, he thrust one at me "over coffee?" I smirked but bit it away, the mug was cold. He seemed to notice the temperature "I made it like two hours ago, while waiting for you…of course it's cold"

"What do you want, Roy?" I set the coffee on the counter with a sounding crack. Brown drops stained my bandage. "You've already made your point…that I disgust you…you've already made me cry…you've already told me that you want nothing to do with me" I ran out of steam and had to breathe.

"Dick…it's…" I felt my eyes moisten, what a jerk. I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but those stupid locks he kept on his emotions refused to let it out, or me in. I crossed my arms, his fingers were like electricity on my bare arm. He had reached out and placed a hand on my forearm. I jumped and went to jerk away, fantasy held me in place.

His eyes were closed, chapped lip parted, face towards the ground. _What was he doing?_ His fingers tightened and be began to softly tug me towards him. My heart stopped painfully my eyes widening. His green eyes met mine as his fingers curled into my flesh tighter, he was only a few feet away and was closing the distance slowly. Cautiously, testing.

"Dick, you mean every-"

**BATMAN B ZERO 12**

We stared at each other. Blinking. _What the hell just happened?_ He broke the stare first, I swore I saw a small blush dust his cheeks. He walked away, I watched him go. I was breathless. _What…the…HELL?_

* * *

Roy's POV

I had grabbed his forearm, I literally felt his skin jump at my touch. I looked at the floor, it was hard to take my eyes off him, but in the moment I couldn't bare to see the hurt I had caused him. I tugged him closer slowly. I was going to tell him now. Tell him with a kiss. A soft, tender loving kiss. He was worth taking it slow.

I looked up at him, his eyes were wide in confusion. I closed more distance between us, his skin was jittery, blue eyes dancing in the dim light of the kitchen.

His skin was soft, I curled my fingers deeper, careful not to hurt him.

The distance was closing, my lips parting slightly. His pupils darting over my face.

"Dick you mean every-" thing to me. I meant to say. I was interrupted by a transporter.

**BATMAN B ZERO 12**

_Damn it!_

I let go of Dick, confusion on his face. I breathed heavily and stared in his beautiful eyes for a moment and then turned away. I could feel Dick watch me leave.

Batman was waiting for us when we entered the debriefing room. His gaze hard.

"You two are the only ones here?" I shrugged and saw Dick nod shortly out of the corner of my eye. He looked still dazed. "You'll have to do then"

"Please, your trust in us is overwhelming!" I pretended to swoon, Batman glared, I almost heard Dick swallow.

"Where are your sunglasses, Richard?" he fumbled to put them on, another glare.

"Are you going to debrief us or are we going to stand here talking fashion?" I could tell Batman wanted to beat the hell out of me. Ollie wouldn't stand for it. Batman would probably beat the hell out of him too.

I felt a flutter in my stomach, fear. Did Dick know what I was going to do a few minutes ago? He wasn't stupid. But he still looked confused. It was almost better that I hadn't succeeded. Crap, Harper. He probably though you were screwing with him.

Making fun of him. I made things more awkward. Tenfold. Why was I such a screw up? I can't even tell the man of my dreams that I love him.

"This is U.L.A Laboratories located in the North Pole. Named after Ulysses Langston Albakirky a scientist studying micro-organism survival in the ice of the Polar caps" he pointed to the screen behind him, a fat, Russian man with a thick mustache. A click and another picture of the outside of the lab appeared.

Another click presented graphs and charts of his research.

"So like the Captain America comic's the kid's read nowadays…where he's frozen in ice for 80 years and then is melted and still young and…super" Batman was less than thrilled with my definition

"So he's trying to preserve life" Richard's voice was still dazed. I smirked a little.

"Like the comics" I persisted. Another click showed a video of the man burning his research, a dark blur shot past the camera behind him. Batman stopped the video and zoomed in on the blur, the pixels cleared.

"A Genome?" Dick and I asked in unison. The situation just got serious. Cadmas. Batman closed his files.

"Your mission is to go in retrieve the files and get out, NO CONFLICT, this is a strictly stealth mission" he glared at me "Team of two, in and out, understood?" we both nodded, our minds on the mission. The awkwardness dissolving as we focused on the job.

"What about the guy and the lab assistants?" Dick asked, leave it to Dick to be concerned about the civilians, Batman shook his head

"We have reason to believe they're already dead…Get ready, you leave in 10. Pack warm."

* * *

Dick's POV

We were flying over an ocean, its blue waves crashed below us, I stared at them while Roy flew. The jet steady, I saw him glance over his shoulder at me. What had been trying to do back there? Was he going to kiss me? Or was that just a wish buried deep in my fantasies?

No he wouldn't have been trying to kiss me. Not after all that had been said this past week.

He was screwing with me, I was a joke to him. That bastard.

I heard him punch a button. A voice hummed:

**AUTO PILOT ENGAGED**

I heard him push himself from his seat, I didn't look at him, I focused on the waves. Majestic, powerful, beautiful…like Roy. I felt his breath on my neck, sticky, hot. He pressed his face by mine and peered out the window. He followed my eyes to the waves. I turned towards him, my lips inches from his, my stomach clenched as I blushed.

I slid out of my seat, stalking to the back and checking over my weapons.

Roy was an emotional rollercoaster.

He was still looking at the waves like nothing had transpired. He turned to me.

"It's not a joke" his voice was husky, masked. The automated voice hid my confused breath.

**E.T.A. TEN MINUTES**

"What isn't?" he paused his fingers squeezing the back of the seat, he stepped towards me and took my arm again, instead of pulling me he placed a hand on my heart, it was beating madly.

"Look deep, Richard…you know exactly what I mean" I swallowed heavily and focused on his hand, warm on my chest. I could feel every finger.

"Too cryptic, Roy…I don't understand" he pulled away eyes sad

"We should suit up." Once again he was the first to walk away.

* * *

Roy's POV

Sometimes Richard was blind. I was sorry for hurting him, my jealously and envy and desire drove me to hate him. Well, _I _drove _myself_ to hate him. It was the only way to accept I couldn't have him.

I'd advanced twice now. And all he did was give me a confused look, dazed like he was _scared_ of me.

He must not feel the same towards me.

It's infuriating to love someone who's just out of your reach.

The Jet descended towards the sheet of ice below us with a shudder. Dick came from the back dressed in a white suit, the only color was his blue crest spread across his chest. His mask was white, standing against tan skin and black hair. I offered him the controls and went to change for myself.

Our fingers brushed as we transferred places. We both recoiled. I wandered to the back.

I unwrapped a similar uniform from a thermal container, white with black arm straps and my red arrow on the chest, I changed my mask. My ginger hair sticking out like a beacon.

He made it look so much better than me. I grabbed my bow and mounted my quiver.

Nightwing opened the back hatch of the jet.

"Go, I'll land and meet you at the south end of the lab in 30" I nodded and leapt, wind slamming to my ears. "… BE CAREFUL!" I smiled against the wind. _You too, Dick._

I hit the snow hard, and rolled. Landing in a crouch. I saw the jet disappear in the distance, my eyes followed it until I couldn't anymore. I was still a mile from the mission point. The cold was intense even through the thermal gear, I felt my face harden in the wind. Pulled taught against the chill.

I started to jog, snow past my shins.

Guilt heavy on every step. I had pushed Dick away and now I was trying to pull him in. To be mine. No wonder he was suspicious. There was a wall separating us, I intended to break it down.

* * *

Dick's POV

I landed, the controls rattling in my fists, there was a down draft. I managed to land after a try or two and gathered a duffle bag, food, thermos' of hot coffee, a blanket, bandages and a match book. You can never be too sure. I slung it on my back, it was only the size of a backpack so I held it easily. I opened the hatch and stepped out, typing a code in my wrist computer.

The door closed, and the jet faded to white. Camouflaged. I smiled and then pressed the communicator nestled deep in the cavity of my ear. Slight static buzzed between our words.

"N.W. to R.A."

"R.A. here. Go ahead Dick" his voice warmed me against the chill. I shifted the bag and started jogging towards the building in the distance, the snow thick around my legs.

"On the move to your location…What's your E.T.A?"

"About five minutes out…you?"

"About ten. See you at the south entrance"

"Ok. Don't get lost, Kid" I rolled my eyes and kept jogging. The ten minutes ticked by slowly, when my communicator buzzed I almost didn't hear it over my rough, cold breaths. I stopped to answer it

"Careful, cameras" I looked up at the roof of the building, my eyes resting on a few immediately. I inched along the wall, grabbing handfuls of snow and tossing them away from me so that the cameras would follow the movement eagerly. Like a puppy would a ball.

I rushed past and looked around for Roy. He was crouched low behind a high mound of snow, I slid in next to him and joined him in a crouch, his body was warm against the cold.

"So do we just knock and yell Candy Gram?" He notched an arrow. Some candy gram. I shot Roy and exasperated look.

"Dude this is a stealth mission…we go through the vents" close space, squeezed in with Roy. Someone would have to go behind the other. Ok no vents. "Or we could go through a window…"

"Come on" Roy was shooting an arrow for the roof before I could blink, I fumbled for my grappling hook and followed. He brushed some snow off the cover to the duct in the roof, and knelt down. Eyeing the vent in embarrassment. I followed and together we pulled it off and peered in.

"You first, boy wonder" he shot me a sheepish smile and I slipped in. We usually would have made some gay joke about 'enjoying the view' or something, but not now, not after I had opened my mouth and ruined the brotherly friendship between Roy and me.

Focus on the mission, Grayson. You're going to get yourself, and the love of your life, killed.

* * *

Roy's POV

I couldn't help it, Dick's ass was in my face. I couldn't help but stare. Every time he crawled forward the muscle in his thigh would pop out and the muscle crease in his ass cheek would indent. It was remarkable. Dock's body was toned to perfection.

Focus, Roy. Don't get him killed by being distracted.

I moved my eyes to his heels. He stopped and struggled to turn around in the tight space, it was so cramped his head was forced down to his chest, he looked at me lopsided. He wrapped his arms around his knees to fit. His body nearly blocked the whole passageway. He pulled up his wrist computer, and gave me a sad smile.

"We passed our exit…turn around" Grayson you sneaky bastard. I swear he was smirking inside. I struggled to turn, a good head taller than Nightwing and a good 50 pounds heavier. I crawled with caution, embarrassed about situations close quarters. "Stop, take a left"

Focus, Harper. "Ok take the exit cover on your right, it'll open in storage room." It took me a minute to push the cover off, it had long rusted. Finally it snapped off with a harsh 'clang' and red dust took to the air like cigarette smoke. I wormed out and dropped a good ten feet to the concrete behind some wooden crates. The jump rattled my ankles. The storage room was just light enough to cast shadows. I turned and motioned for Nightwing. I put my arms out to catch him then dropped them at my sides.

Don't be gay.

Besides the kid had jumped from higher.

He landed soundlessly, his thighs screaming against the white spandex. The whites in his mask narrowed as he typed in his holo-computer. The blue from the screen casting glowing shadows in the depths in his mask.

"Ok, I need to get to the main frame computer, which is down the hall in the Lab…can you get me there?" I examined the screen.

"What do you mean, "Can you get me there?" Why can't we go together?" I blushed, it was hidden by the mask. Dick seemed to be in full mission mode, how does he do it?

"I'm going to need a distraction" I smiled and notched an arrow.

"You've got one"

* * *

Dick's POV

He didn't know the half of it. I had a distraction already. I watched him draw and arrow the muscles in his forearms defined against the spandex and black arm bands. He put a hand on my lower back before pushing off from the crates and running towards the hall. I tensed as his fingers left. _Be careful._

I waited until I heard an explosion, Roy's arrow. Then the scratching nails of small, cat sized genomes running across the concrete, dozens shot past the door, I peaked from the boxes.

"N.W. to R.A. Approx. Dozen Nasty's on their way"

"Some already here" I wanted to say be careful…but instead I snuck into the hall, running the opposite way. I closed myself in the lab. A gleaming computer was waiting in the middle of the room. I made my way towards it, turning in small circles looking for unseen threats. Finally satisfied I reached it and plugged in.

It took me a few minutes to hack in, finally I saw the small folders disappearing into my wrist.

The blue screen flashed red.

An alarm sounded and the lab locked down. Damn it. A large steel door was closing over my exit.

I managed to rip the cord free and slip under the steel before it slammed shut. I took off running away from the alarm, towards Roy. My ear buzzed.

"R.A. TO N.W. what the fuck?! You tipped an alarm?" I squinted as I hear familiar claws following me, I spun and draw a bo-staff in a sweep, spinning it once and slamming it into the creature. It hit the wall and slid, I struck at another one, and another.

"Psssh. Totally meant to Roy" for a second it was old times. Back when I was Robin. Back when I was straight. Back when things weren't so complicated.

Only three Genomes? I pulled up my computer the download had only reached 76% before I had … screwed up. Damn it. I hacked the motion sensors. My stomach heaved and nearly dropped to the floor.

Oh hell…I saw Roy's familiar red arrow marker, he was close to my blue insignia marker. We were separated by a hall. Hundred of red dots were swarming us.

Hundreds.

We had to get out…we had to run. We couldn't fight hundreds of genomes alone. Or together.

"Roy…"

* * *

**more to come. It's starting to get interesting! Ooh so close to kissing! So...close...**

**review!**

** Yours truly,**

**EACT**

**stay retrabutionable. That may not be a word...so sue me.**


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